This morning, I started my day with my Zen practice routine, after which I laid down to rest for a minute. And that’s when I experienced a profound release deep in my abdomen. It felt as though a heavy knot of tension had suddenly dissolved in a single, powerful breath. My breathing became deeper and more relaxed, and an intense sense of calm washed over me, a kind of peace I hadn’t felt in a long time.
I can compare the sensation to that instant relief you feel when after a long flu, your nasal passages finally clear, or when your ears pop, and the world becomes crispy and audible again. But this was deeper and more profound. It was a release that radiated from my core, and its warmth seemed to flow throughout my entire body.
A few nights ago, I had a vivid dream that has lingered in my mind since. In the dream, I became acutely aware that I was dreaming. I was walking along a beautiful lakeside landscape when everything suddenly became blurry, as if my vision had failed me. In the dream, I thought, “If this is my dream, then I should be able to see clearly.” And in that instant, everything snapped into focus. A visual clarity that was much sharper and clearer then even in my waking life.
I continued walking up a path until I came across a carving of an elephant. As I gazed at the carving, I noticed a swirling ball of energy emanating from it’s face. As I focused on it, I felt that same swirling energy begin to rise within me, and it became so powerful that it jolted me awake. I was up now but that energy stayed with me until I fell asleep again.
I’ve always tried to dissect experiences like these, and understand the mechanics behind them. But in this case, I’ve had to accept that I don’t really know what’s happening or how it works. Is it an ability that I’ve been honing through my ZEN practice? Did I truly choose to see clearly in my dream? Did I consciously release that heaviness from my abdomen, or did it happen on its own, as a result of the mindfulness and inner work I’ve been doing at the Harmony center?
Perhaps, like the analogy of congested nasal passages clearing, it’s all a matter of healing. Maybe this is my natural state, and I’ve been “sick” for so long that I had forgotten what normal even feels like. It’s only now, after this experience, that I can see just how far from that natural state I have been. And maybe, the process of letting go and releasing has allowed me to experience a deeper sense of peace that’s always been there, waiting for me to come back to it.
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